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Many investors have their heads in their hands and they are crying right now. This year has been one for the history books. It has been a struggle to navigate the market trying to find profits, as even the bond market is not safe to run to. I know it is nearly Halloween but no one thought they would see so much red during this time of year. The markets are rough and they are volatile but investors with an advisor and are sticking to investment fundamentals will win in the end says Vanguard research and can potentially see a net 3% profit compared to their non-advised investor friends. Why? Click below to learn more

100% accuracy for transcription is not guaranteed. It is for reference only

Mon, Oct 03, 2022 1:38PM • 15:51


investors, market, ridgeway, podcast, people, money, buy, advisor, risk, investment, ab, investing, stocks, positioned, wealth, wealth management, newsletter, lose, trading, growth


Alajahwon Ridgeway

Alajahwon Ridgeway 00:00

We focus on strategy and discipline. Because we cannot control the markets, we can only control our participation in them. We focus on your required number and not your desired number. I would love to make 500% in one day that is a desire. But how much risk would I have to take to get that amount is the question I need to ask myself.

As Christians, we were taught to be good stewards over our tithing and giving to the less fortunate. But when it came to our own personal finances and investments, we are clueless and what the Bible says, What does the Bible say about managing debt? leaving a legacy, investing, or even planning for retirement? We answer these and many other questions because we want to teach you how to be rich and righteous. This is your first time to the show you want to say welcome, but you're coming back for another spiritual refill. Welcome back. I am Amy Ridgeway. And this is financial advisors say the darndest thing.

Hello, my name is A.B. Ridgeway. I'm the owner of AB Ridgeway wealth management and today's financial thought is, is it time to get out of the market. If you're subscribed to our newsletter, then you should have received this and your email earlier today. If you're not signed up, be sure to use the link in the comments to join so you can receive more biblically responsible financial information and take the first steps to becoming rich and righteous. Well, today's scripture comes from Revelation chapter seven, verse nine through 10. After this I looked, and behold a great multitude that no one could number from every nation, from all tribes and people in languages standing before the throne, they before the Lamb, clothe and right clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands and crying out with a loud voice. Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne and to the Lamb.

Now, many investors have their heads in their hands, and they are crying right now. This year has been one for the history books, it has been a struggle to navigate the markets trying to find profits as even the bond market is not safe to run to. I know it is nearly Halloween but no one thought they would see so much red during this time of year. The markets are rough, and they are volatile. But investors with an advisor and who are sticking to investment fundamentals will win in the end says Vanguards researching can potentially see a net 3% profit compared to their non advised investor friends.

Now, why is this because when it comes to knowledge about the markets, strategies and positioning advisors, we do this every day. This is not something that we we do on our lunch break. This is not something that we do in between playing games or in between, you know, errands that we run, this is something that we do day in and day out Monday through Sunday. Now, think about it this way, every time that you turn on the news, they're talking about the tragedy, which is the economy, yet investors with advisors have already positioned their portfolios and have now switched their stance from this growth strategy to more of a protective strategy.

Now, now, for many investors, that fear of losing everything has gone down because they have now been through a pandemic. They've been through the funding of wars. They've had the tugs of the economy with this shortened supply chain and interest rates hikes by the Federal Reserve and a majority are assets or steel there, they literally have faced their fears of what happens when you invest because the TV will make it seem as if if you invest in things get bad, that you're going to lose everything. And many investors are finding now due to the guidance of their advisor.

That just because the markets are down, doesn't mean you are out. Now unfortunately, I cannot say that about investors without advisors. See, according to an article back in August by market insider, they reported that Robin Hood, you know, the online trading platform, the one everybody ran to buy their cryptocurrency, the one everyone ran to, to buy shares of stocks and fractional stocks and things of that nature trying to get into the market while the market was good. It stays that Robin Hood's monthly active users plunged 34% to 14 million over the past year. Retail Investors have stopped trading stocks on the platform as stocks and cryptocurrencies has plummeted.

The Trading App now plans to cut 23% of his staff Ah, Chief Executive of flat teen you sent. Now, think about that for a minute. Over 1/3 of those who were actively trading are gone? And what effect does it have? Now we're finding out that people no longer having the jobs, almost a quarter of the staff are being replaced or being let go for that matter now even replaced, why we got a majority of people getting into a market without the proper mindset. And that's what this newsletter does it transforms your mindset to focus on the long term and not the short term. Now, who profits off of these people buying these assets and getting out? You? Yes, you those who are invested, they get to take advantage of the low prices, because there's two things that drive the market is perception and fundamentals, fundamentals, meaning the job market, how many people are unemployed or employed, you know, the GDP, things of that nature that may affect the market one way or another? Perception also does that? Or have you ever listened to the news and had those projections of earnings? Walmart projects to have X amount of billions, right? And then if it falls below the stock falls? Well, it's not because Walmart's fundamentals change.

They're still doing business, but their projection and what the market thought they were going to do. They tried to trade ahead in the market simply correct in itself. So what's happening is that many investors are now out of the market. They're not buying stocks at a discounted rate. They're losing the money that they put in, if they sold their assets out of fear, right? Oh, I'm losing so much money, I was getting my money back, this is rip off. And now they're ready to tell everyone that investing is a scam. Now we have memes about prosperity and how much money people were making. And now we are seeing the opposite. We're seeing people saying how investing is evil. We're seeing memes about how people got ripped off or scammed out of, you know their money and how you know, they should be doing something more secure, like savings account, we see it. Right. But that is somebody who was scorned, that is somebody who went in with this mentality that was not positioned for the stock market in general.

So we see somebody who went in with a mentality of greed, and making a quick dollar scorn and they're hurt. And now they have their tail between their legs. Now, if this is you, you know, don't feel bad, I don't want you to think that this is the end of your journey. Because everybody has gone through these situations. At some point, this just may be your time. But what I'm here to tell you is that you can change you do not have to stay the same, you do not have to fear the market, which has made so many people money. So it is sad, right? That many on social medias, you know, they promote this quick and easy money, but they fail to let them know of the risk associated with buy individual stocks that promise these 102 100% returns in such a short period. Why do you think I don't worry? When somebody comes to me and says,

Hey, AB, I have an advisor down the street and my friend goes there and he's making 20 30% a year. Okay. If that is what you want, then you can go there. But the thing is, is great when the markets are up and you're making 20 30%. But it's not great when the markets are down and you're down 5060 70% If that is the risk you're willing to take that is one I am not willing to take it says in Proverbs, Chapter 13, verse 11, wealth gained hastily will dwindle. But whoever gathers little by little will increase. Now if that's not up fulfill prophecy, I don't know what it is. That is why our firm is different than other firms. We do not promise ridiculously high growth numbers. We focus on strategy and discipline. Because we cannot control the markets, we can only control our participation in them. We focus on your required number and not your desired number. I would love to make 500% in one day, that is a desire. ®️But how much risk would I have to take to get that amount is the question I need to ask myself. You know, at those levels of risk in a down market, those choices are up there with gambling I'm sorry. Typically I do not associate gambling with investing. But when you're talking about trying to get 3040 60% return and in a low interest rate environment. It just boggles my mind that people don't eat equate that to a high level of risk. And be honest. And to be honest with you, my clients don't like to gamble with their life savings, point blank period, they trust me to make sure that the assets that they invest with me are going to be there when they're ready to take them out. Now, we're not talking about a lump sum, nobody comes to me and says, Hey, Elijah, when you take everything out, I'm finally retired, let's put this in a savings account. It doesn't happen that way. What they mean is that when they retire, and they needed an extra 2000, or $3,000, to give to a grandchild, or maybe pay for graduation, or a downpayment, on college education, or whatever it may be, that those funds that they sacrificed over their time period are there available for them, okay, they don't want to outlive their money, they want to make sure that when they go reach for it, it is there. And not only just there, but more than what they put in or more that they should have, based on the risk that they took by putting it in there in the first place. Do you understand that you have profits based on the amount that you put in and the risk that you take, you do not get paid for the risk you do not take. So if you're expecting to put money in a savings account, which is nearly zero risk, you are going to get nearly zero return. And that is the difference here. So when you're focused on Well, FDIC is protected, and you know, my money is safe in the CD, that's fine. It can safely lose money right there. Because inflation we've known year over year has been around 9%. So that $100,000 that you were able to buy $100,000 worth of stuff. Well, within one year's time, you can only buy about $91,000 worth of stock, your purchasing power goes down. Yes, you have 100,000, but you can't buy as much. I make the joke all the time. Yes, Dollar Tree went up to $1.25. So if you put $1 in your account, and says this dollar safe, and you didn't grow year over year, guess what you cannot buy what's at Dollar Tree more, because the dollar 25 You buy, you can buy less than what you did. Now, my investors, they understand that there is a time for offense, and there is a time for defense.

But right now is the time for D fence. I wish I had one of those letters like you know, like defense, but I don't have enough hands to do that. So it is not about how much money you can make. It is about how much money you can protect until the markets actually correct themselves. Now remember, this oak is helps investors create well, and diversity helps investors preserve Well, I'm gonna say that again, focus helps investors create wealth, and diversity helps investors preserve well, then that's what we're doing now. We are preserving people's wealth as much as possible in these volatile markets, still things correct themselves. But I do want to leave you with some words of motivation, as there is diversity in the kingdom of God. So must there be diversity in investing? Have you ever seen a one sided pancake? Have you ever seen a one sided coin? Or have you even seen a one sided piece of bread?

You have it. This is not uncharted territory that we're seeing in the markets right now. Just as there is time for growth, there's time for protection. Your growth as an investor is going to be determined by your actions and tough times. If you give up and quit. It will be like Groundhog Day the movie I don't know if you ever seen that movie, but every time something bad happens, you keep repeating the cycle over and over and over again and you end up in the same place that you started.

Nowhere but if you're able to learn and grow during these tough times, then you can break the cycle and live in happiness. That is what these newsletters are all about helping you become the investor mentally that you need so you can prosper and be rewarded for your hard work. That's it for me from AB Ridgeway. Once again if this is your first time here on our newsletter and you are not subscribed, be sure to click the link below for more investment news and biblical principles. So you can learn how to be rich and righteous. Maybe rejoice. And I'll see you on the other side of your blessing is

created by AB Ridgeway owner of AB Ridgeway wealth management, a virtual and in person fee only advisor that believes that financial advice should have gotten in it. If you need help figuring out your finances, feel free to reach out to us at 337-414-3686 or visit our website at WWW dot ABR wealth and schedule a free consultation. new episodes are available every Friday so be sure to subscribe. You can also listen to our podcasts on your favorite platforms, Amazon Music, Spotify, Google podcasts, Apple podcasts and more or simply visit our website and join our family. I am a B Ridgeway and I'll see you You on the other side of your blessing Alajahwon. Ridgeway is an investment advisor representative and owner of AB Ridgeway Wealth Management LLC, a registered investment advisor which produces a podcast show and makes it available on his website and through other distribution channels. Elijah will rejoin any guests on the podcast providing their own views and opinions are not necessarily the views and opinions of AB Ridgeway wealth management that the man podcast should be construed as solicitation or offer or recommendation to buy or sell any Pacific security investment advisory services or only provides investors to become AB Ridgeway Wealth Management client pursuant to a written Investment Management Agreement. Clients of AB Ridgeway wealth management may hold positions and securities discussed in the podcast. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. All investments involve risk and may lose money. financial advisors say the darndest thing podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be relied on for any investment decisions. Instead, please consult a financial advisor, accountant attorney and or conduct your own due diligence

If you need help building your gifting plan, schedule a free consultation

Thank you for reading!

Subscribe today and receive our Christian Resource for Tithing Christians

4 Biblical Principles Every Christian Should Know About Finances and Creating Generational Wealth.

About the blog:

Many Christians struggle with the seemingly conflicting views about our faith and the pursuit of financial gain. They were taught that poverty was piety and that a lack of money was the only way to truly detach themselves from the love of money. Our blog debunks some of those claims, teaches you that you can be rich and righteous, and at the same time fulfill your obligation to tithe and give to the less fortunate. We are dedicated to helping you become cheerful givers by organizing your personal finances, providing investment tips to help you create wealth, and encouraging you to create a gifting strategy that will make your family and God proud.

Meet the Author:

A.B. Ridgeway, MBA ( is the owner and Christian Financial Advisor with A.B. Ridgeway Wealth Management. With a decade in the finance industry, his goal is to give believers clarity around the most confusing topic in the Bible, money, and tithing. A.B. Ridgeway helps tithing Christians become cheerful givers but unlocking their money-making potential, so they can prosper and be the great stewards of the wealth God has entrusted them with.

This communication is not intended as an offer or solicitation to buy, hold or sell any financial instrument or investment advisory services. Any information provided has been obtained from sources considered reliable, but we do not guarantee the accuracy or the completeness of any description of securities, markets or developments mentioned. This is strictly for information purposes. We recommend you speak with a professional financial advisor.

Prenups and divorce are not the same. Prenups have been demonized in the media. We are shown nasty divorces where one spouse is left starving and homeless as the other wallows in all of their greed and wealth, all because of a prenup.

This is so wrong on so many levels. As with many financial topics, the general public is left in the dark about the true intent and purpose of many financial tools. Prenups are a tool and when used properly, can create a strong harmonious relationship that is strengthened and not weakened. And our next guest is here to prove all the haters wrong, because as she says...

"You haven't landed on a good financial plan until everyone feels good about's the same way with prenuptial agreements" -Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️

Key Moments:

-Kaylin tells her first experience with legal documents after her father passed.

-A.B. Ridgeway breaks down the biggest threat to a family's net worth and it is not bad investment choices or even taxes

-Kaylin explains why she wants to help you keep Family Law out of your Family Choices

-Kaylin explains how to make transparency easier in a marriage

-Kaylin gives her top 3 favorite clauses in prenups that help ensure not just equality but equity when establishing the documents so everyone is happy

Click Here To Read The Transcript

Subscribe today and receive our Christian Resource for Tithing Christians

4 Biblical Principles Every Christian Should Know About Finances and Creating Generational Wealth.

About the show:

As Christians, we were taught to be good stewards over our tithing and giving to the less fortunate. But when it came to our personal finances and investing we were left clueless on what the Bible says. What does the Bible say about managing debt, leaving a legacy, investing, and planning for your retirement? Mr. Christian Finance answers these and many other questions because we want to teach you how to become rich and righteous!

Meet the Host:

A.B. Ridgeway, MBA ( is the owner and Christian Financial Advisor with A.B. Ridgeway Wealth Management. With a decade in the finance industry, his goal is to give believers clarity around the most confusing topic in the Bible, money, and tithing. A.B. Ridgeway helps tithing Christians become cheerful givers but unlocking their money-making potential, so they can prosper and be the great stewards of the wealth God has entrusted them with.

Transcript [100% accuracy is not guaranteed and all transcriptions are for reference only.]


prenuptial agreement, people, agreement, prenup, couples, money, spouse, divorce, blended families, Kailyn, marriage, financial advisors, married, podcast, prenuptial, beneficiaries, children, plan, separate,


Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️, Alajahwon Ridgeway

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 00:00

Our marriage could end. Nobody wants to think that could happen. I certainly didn't want to think that could happen. I also don't want to think that I could die, but I can. That just is the reality and the statistics on divorce are what they are. And I don't think anybody gets anywhere by pretending reality isn't what it and that all of a sudden marriages are just going to start always lasting forever.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 00:23

As Christians, we were taught to be good stewards over our tithing and giving to the less fortunate. But when it came to our own personal finances and investments, we are clueless on what the Bible says. What does the Bible say about managing debt? Leaving a legacy, investing, or even planning for retirement? We answer these and many other questions because we want to teach you how to be rich and righteous. If this is your first time to the show. We want to say welcome, if you're coming back for another spiritual refill. Welcome back. I am A.B. Ridgeway. And this is financial advisors say the darndest thing. Welcome back, I am A.B. Ridgeway, the host of financial advisors say the darndest things and my mom's favorite Christian financial advisor. With nearly a decade in the financial industry. I've helped hundreds of investors declutter their personal finances by providing investment strategies that align with the Word of God. So if you're an investor and you want to learn everything about God and money, like we do, stay tuned, because we will teach you how to become better at stewarding God's wealth, reducing the risk of outliving your money and becoming the steward leader. God has called you to be here. And that is what we are going to do for you today. Because we have a very special guest that is going to shake off the stigma of Prenuptial agreements. Now, hold on, hold on, hold on. I know what you're thinking. But there is a stigma around the word Prenuptial agreements, because we usually hear about them when a celebrity is getting a divorce or when someone divorced is getting remarried. Now, I love the joke by Chris Rock that says that rich people don't need Prenuptial agreements but poor people do. He says something along the lines of Frank Sinatra has $200 million that he loses half. I don't think that he was worried about living on $100 million. But if you only make $50,000 And you lose half, you're in trouble. But all jokes aside, I love this quote about prenups by Susan Meyers, president of the American Academy of matrimonial lawyers. Every single marriage ends, either by death or by divorce. Do you truly want the state to tell you how your estate is going to be divided in one of those events. Now taking control of your marriage is taking control of your finances and how they will work. And just like money, the money itself is not evil. But the intent behind the person using the money is and Prenuptial agreements are the same. See, prenuptial rules are not evil, but it is the intent of the person and why they decided to have a prenuptial agreement in the first place. As it says in Ezekiel, chapter 36, verse 26, and I will give you a new heart and a new spirit, and I will put within you and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And our next guest is going to share a sign of pre nuptials that you may never have considered, and hopefully give you a new heart and spirit around pre nuptials. So he's the owner of Kailyn Dillon financial planning, she helps couples thrive financially, regardless of how they define what's mine and what's ours. She simplifies the financial conversation and decisions that most busy couples either do not have time to take or find too messy to face alone. She received her certified financial planners designation from New York University, and one of the kindest spirits you will ever meet. Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome Kailyn Dillon to the show. How you doing Kaylin?

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 04:16

Hi, thank you. I'm really happy to be here. And that was really nice of you to say.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 04:23

No problem. No problem. Once again, thank you for coming on the show. I'm excited about this episode because our goal is to help tithing Christians with gifting strategies and passing on their wealth and they can't do that if they don't have any money to pass on. Or they don't know how their money is actually organized. So can you introduce yourself to everyone here and let us know who you are and who you serve.

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 04:46

Hi, I'm Kaylin Dylan, and I'm a financial planner and I primarily help couples who have Prenuptial agreements already and I also have been Coaching couples that are working on getting Prenuptial agreements. But the focus of my business is on financial planning and financial advising clients that already have them,

Alajahwon Ridgeway 05:09

I want to first let everyone know who you are, because in my eyes, it is your story that really changed my perception, or my perspective for that matter on Prenuptial agreements. So can we kind of start with that story, you have a wonderful story about your dad and life insurance. And I was hoping that you would share this with us today.

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 05:29

My first introduction to estate planning processes was when my dad died. I was 15. And his life insurance policy named my then step mother as beneficiary. But at the time, my dad had a divorce agreement in place with my mom that said, he was required to name me and my sister as the beneficiaries of any life insurance policy that he had. And that was his only policy, that was my first time learning that there's no authority watching over our legal agreements to make sure we're actually following them. Once you make a legal agreement, you just you're on your own to actually see it through. And I really thought that was crazy, because I highly doubt that there was bad intentions behind anybody's actions leading up to this agreement being broken. And it's just I think it's really easy for people to make agreements and not necessarily track and follow every detail of the agreements that they've made.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 06:30

So I have a question, when that policy went to effect, did they not name you, the beneficiaries? She renamed them to her children? How did that come about?

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 06:39

I believe that we had been named correctly and that my dad had changed the beneficiary designation to his then wife. My guess is that we were I don't know this, for sure. But I think that we were named prior to him getting married, and that he changed at some time after getting married. And I think the span of time we're talking about is from the time he was divorced to the time he died was 10 years about, I don't know exactly when it was changed. But I don't have any reason to think that this was like a plot or anything like that. It was simply just a plan that didn't follow the agreement. So I

Alajahwon Ridgeway 07:17

get what you're saying. There was a communication breakdown, between maybe your father and his, his new wife,

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 07:24

maybe, or perhaps he didn't even remember exactly the terms that he had agreed to in the divorce agreement. I really mean, I really it's possible, he knew it's possible. He didn't remember, based on the number of couples that I've worked with that don't remember the terms of their own agreements. And I was, I mean, I fell into that category myself, I think it's perfectly plausible that he did just not remember after that much time, you know, why not change this to my beneficiary to my wife, I'm sure she'll take care of my children. And there's not really unless you have it worked into an agreement, there's not really a mechanism in place to check, you can put that in an agreement, actually, and I really recommend it. But to check somebody else's life insurance policy designation, if that wasn't in your agreements that like my mom could have checked the designation on a regular basis. It just kind of was what it was. And then you your only choices. Do you take this something like that to court? Do you have you really want to have a family dispute? Nobody wants to have to deal with that. I think anything that has to end up in court is worst case scenario.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 08:25

Right? I think in that case, everybody's grieving at that point, right. So everybody needs to focus on grieving as opposed to trying to go to court and argue 100%. So it's, I guess my, my comment would be this. We talked about wealth transfers a lot. We talk about estate planning on the show, and some of us have, some of my listeners have attended my webinar, where I talk about the biggest threats to your net worth, are not poor investment decisions. They're not even taxes. It is a communication breakdown between generation to generation. And we're going to talk about that a little bit later. As far as the greatest risk being left, well, I lost 2%, or 3% is like, well, when you start losing 10 and 20%, because of a wealth transfer, or you're not passing on your legacy, and your kids spend up all your money, you're gonna lose all of your net worth and everything that you've sacrificed so much for. So obviously, this event had a huge impact on your life, and how you conduct business and how you help other people. Now you're married. Now, can you tell us how that impacted the way that you approached your marriage?

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 09:31

I can't say it was all just that event, but just experiencing divorce. And more than one divorce in my family and experiencing the loss of my father all made me take getting married very seriously. And it also made me I think, be more pragmatic about the possibility that our marriage could end. Nobody wants to think that that could happen. I certainly didn't want to think that could happen, I also don't want to think that I could die. But I can. That just is the reality. And the statistics on divorce are what they are. And I don't think anybody gets anywhere by pretending reality isn't what it is, and that all the sudden marriages are just going to start always lasting forever, I would say I took getting married very seriously. And I was young. So I was kind of clueless about a number of things at the same time, and we got a prenuptial agreement before we got married. And going into that process. I was totally clueless about what it would be like, but I had no problem with the idea of it, because I thought, you know, why not? Why not have a plan in place? seems totally reasonable. And based on all the conversations that we had had, they weren't detailed about what this agreement be, but they were about, you know, what would your expectations be? If things didn't work out? Or like, what if one of us doesn't work? Or what if one of us needs more help financially, things like that. We weren't having trouble getting on the same page at a high level. And so I thought, surely going getting a prenup is not going to be that difficult. The professionals will tell us what to do. And we'll just go through the process. And we'll end up with this agreement. And really quickly, it was a stressful tense process, because we didn't really know enough about Prenuptial agreements. The next thing we knew we were communicating between attorneys. And that was really difficult.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 11:32

A lot of people think that Prenuptial agreements are just about money. There are other moving parts, as far as court fees, and who's going to have the attorneys and things of that nature or other different dynamics. And we're going to dive into some of those too. So if you're just tuning in, make sure that you stay tuned, because we will talk about some of those aspects. But one thing I do like about you is that you have this idea that financial advisors are in a unique position to help families proactively keep family law out of their family choices. And one thing I do want to talk about is that if we don't proactively take control of these finances, we will end up in court and Kailyn is here to help you stay out of court. So having those conversations, and making sure that you and your spouse are on the same page can help mitigate some of that risk. And I want to make one more point here as well, because you said a lot of great things here, there is a difference between probability and possibility. The probability of divorce is high. But as Christians and people of faith with open communication, the possibility becomes lower. So we cannot deny the numbers of what divorce really is. And we have to include those who are in a secular world as well. But if your faith in your spouse and your relationship is strong, you don't have to worry about the probability, you really have to focus on the possibility. And that's where she focuses her attention. She says, Listen, how do we lower the possibility of view, losing your spouse over money conflicts, because we know statistically, that money is at the root of majority of divorces. And let's just be very clear out here. And I love this having this very open, honest conversation. Because if you truly love someone, you shouldn't be afraid to have those difficult conversations. The reason we're afraid to have those conversations is because we are fearful of what will come out of our spouse. So people aren't 100% Honest, they're holding something back, and we're afraid of that 10% They're holding, so we can be open. If we can be honest, if we can pray and be faithful. The prenuptial agreement should be no different than a contract to buy a mortgage. It should be no different than purchasing or CO signing for a car. They're both communication mechanisms. And they're both going to talk about what is going to happen if and then and that's what our job is. So let's start at the very, very beginning for those who may not know anything about Prenuptial agreements. Let's start them at the beginning. Let's assume now that there are children, but that they have no knowledge of the subject, but they have infinite wisdom. So if you just tell them exactly what it is they will understand what is the definition of a prenuptial agreement. We'll discuss what they are and what they are not prenuptial

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 14:11

agreement is a contract made prior to getting married between the two people who are getting married. And what makes it a prenuptial agreement is that it goes into effect upon the marriage taking place. So that is the definition. It does not have to be a plan for divorce. The majority of Prenuptial agreements do include terms that spell out how assets would be divided in a divorce, but you don't have to, you could just have a state terms that say here's what happens to my money when I die. And that's an especially good tool for blended families that are getting married for maybe a second time or some subsequent time. And they want to make sure their families are taken care of according to their wishes, as well. Was there a spouse, and a prenuptial agreement is a good way to do that. For those

Alajahwon Ridgeway 15:04

out there, can you give us an example of what that couple would look like

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 15:07

that couple is entering a second marriage, and each spouse has children from a prior relationship, they probably already own assets, one of them may own house, if not both of them, they probably already have investment accounts, they might even already have longtime relationships with a financial advisor or an insurance rep. I mean, they've, they have had established lives prior to blending their families and coming together. And to get married, they have some things that they are probably already particular about, or that they've already got earmarked for something, you know, here's a savings account that's really intended for this child, because I already helped this other child, or here's this inheritance that I already received, I want to make sure that goes to my children, not to my spouse, that may be something that is important to them.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 15:58

Let's talk about the compensation structure and like how that prenuptial agreement is set up. So I mean, you have some very smart individuals out here. And that's one thing I love about this show is that our listeners are very intelligent people. They're doctors, they're lawyers, you know, those are people who know their craft, they've mastered their craft, whether it's engineering or whatnot. And some of them are just a little embarrassed to say that they don't know how all these things work. So and that's why I always say is that we're not talking to them like they're a child, we're just talking to them as if they have no knowledge of the subject. But if given the opportunity and the information, they have infinite wisdom to figure it out. So a lot of them when they come to you, how are they emotionally or the stress? Are they sometimes calm? Is it into stressful situations? Explain that

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 16:47

a lot of times, the first thing that comes up in terms of emotions is embarrassment, like you said it, especially if they already have a prenuptial agreement in place, they are usually at least a little bit embarrassed that they don't totally understand all the details of it, especially if they've been married for a while. I think lawyers mean well, but I can't tell you how many attorneys I've heard say get the agreement done, because they know it's good advice to consider doing one. Because they see what it's like in court. Say they say get one done, but then get married filed away. Never look at it again. And I think it's I don't know where this came from. But I've heard it from multiple attorneys. And I think the the intention is good, but they're just trying to help people consider something that has a lot of stigma. And like whatever we can get someone to consider it is good. But really, you shouldn't just file it away. And you should make an agreement that you feel really good about, ideally be willing to revisit it. That means like be willing to revisit the terms to make sure you remember what they are. It's the same reason we review our wills and our trusts on a regular basis. It's the same reason your financial advisor reminds you to check your beneficiaries on a regular basis. It's amazing just things we forget things that fall through the cracks, things that have changed in our lives, and then we don't realize that matter to my will or to my trust or to my Prenuptial agreements. So ideally, you should agree to something you feel good about and you're happy to revisit on a regular basis,

Alajahwon Ridgeway 18:18

as you talk about Prenuptial agreements and what they are and the evolution of them is like a financial plan, like you said before is going to evolve, your marriage is going to do the same thing. And I was kind of I was kind of laughing kind of behind the mic when you said these lawyers tell you to have these Prenuptial agreements, put it in a drawer and you know, forget about it. And yes, that is a great step. Right. That's a great first step. But that's not the only step that you have to make. And I really liked that because I feel like as we said earlier in the conversation, it's the intent behind the person that determines how effective this Prenuptial agreements going to be. And people feel that what you wrote 10 years ago was how you feel today, maybe you want to give them more money. Maybe you want to change allocations, maybe a new child is in in the scenario and you want to give that child some money as well. Or maybe you know they had a stepchild and you didn't know you know, at the very beginning if you're going to adopt this into the whole family and now you're like, you know what, let me give them some some more money. I've grown to love them and care about them and and they respect the family unit that we have. So it is evolving. And I just think a lot of people think it is a dead document when it's really a living document. Can you take us through a scenario? Let's say that somebody comes to you do you have an example of where somebody has come to you they've needed some help. You've engaged with them you resolve that problem and how did that transform that relationship using that prenuptial agreement?

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 19:47

I had a couple that came to me. We'll call them Lauren and Matthew, and they weren't bringing up the prenup as like their primary concern. Really what they wanted help with is just figuring out how do we make Make sure we're making the right choices. They had income from a few different places, Lauren had a share of a family business. So she had a little bit of income from that, in addition to her employment income. And Matthew had stock compensation, which they found overwhelming. And that's a whole other subject that people are very intelligent people are embarrassed to say they don't understand, and a lot of financial advisors don't understand. So I'd really like to just help people know that that is totally reasonable. And they didn't know, you know, when we do have cash, like, what's the best choice even make with this money? Should I be saving it for daughter's college savings, should I be keeping it in cash for a purchase, you know, they weren't sure like how to be sure they were really optimizing their choices. And it felt like the choices in front of them were starting to be just like more, they could graduate into another level that was little outside their comfort zone, less easy to Google. So working through some of that it, you know, we did make sure that we were looking at their prenuptial agreement, and it hadn't occurred to them to do that. But you know, that does really matter. Because if they have agreed that something should remain separate property, that's going to matter how you title and account, for instance, they felt, I think, really happy and relieved that we included this agreement in their plan, because they were both they were kind of in my situation, like they were both totally fine with the idea of getting one. But they didn't feel totally free of that stigma. So they didn't feel comfortable talking about it, they felt like it was something they shouldn't bring up in conversation. And it was because it was Lauren's family that first suggested this prenuptial agreement. There was also this feeling that, you know, maybe it wasn't totally like their decision to have gotten this agreement, I think they just felt really relieved to realize that they did have an agreement in place that made sense to both of them, and that they didn't have to feel ashamed of. And not only that, like, they could feel like, okay, we're taking this thing and treating it like adults should, and we're gonna put it in our financial plan, and we're gonna monitor it. And if we need to change it later, we'll change it and just took the lid off of this idea that it shouldn't be talked about, I think that alone was really valuable to them. It didn't have a drastic impact on their financial plan. But some of the little things really matter a lot when it comes to a legal agreement, like how you title an account.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 22:41

That's a whole can of worms there. And I'll just briefly touch on a few things. A lot of people think that this prenuptial agreement is just to divide assets. Okay, you get this and you get that, but sometimes think about it can protect your family as well. Because if you're in a very litigious industry, let's say that you're in law, and you get sued a lot, having a prenuptial agreement in place can protect some of your assets from being sued and being taken. And so sometimes you're even protecting the family. Can you speak a little bit about that aspect of protecting the assets from other creditors and things of that nature having a prenuptial agreement in place,

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 23:19

if you have named something as separate, then your spouse is not responsible for it. So yeah, if somebody's coming after you in a lawsuit, or creditors coming after you for debt that was named as separate debt, they can't. And in your agreement, you can include terms that make sure that applies even if your spouse dies. So you could be making sure that your spouse is not responsible for your debts, or for maybe a lawsuit or some thing that has come up after you've died. And I think that could be a really beautiful gift. Because again, that is another example like the last thing a grieving family wants to deal with is a lawsuit or creditors.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 24:08

And I love this aspect, because we don't talk about this aspect a lot, right? We don't talk about protecting our loved ones in case something happens to us or, you know, people come after us. So this prenuptial agreement is not this whole negative thing. Sometimes we want to make sure that with one spouse goes broke, all of us don't go broke and we can rebuild together. So let's take a jump here. We're gonna go over some challenges and I just want you to get some feedback on some of these typical challenges that we face with people who have Prenuptial agreements. So the first one is people who have a prenuptial agreement or separate interest, married later in life, already have financial advisors. One has a relationship. They have separate moving parts that made it too complicated to plan together. They're just a little bit too different. So can you address this couple and give them some advice and say, Okay, if you're in a situation like that, you're They're a bit later in life, you already have some financial advisors and things going on. How do you bring those people together,

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 25:06

when you're in that situation, it can feel so messy, it can feel like just the path of least resistance is to just kind of have separate plans. And I think there are a lot of financial advisors that kind of press that approach as well. Like if you have significant separate assets that you don't plan on going to your spouse, for instance, it's already earmarked for your children or some other intent. There are a lot of financial advisors that will tend to say, well, then you've got two separate financial plans. And I would say, even if even though it can really feel too messy, it's really not that difficult to get a joint plan together and plan your future together have a future vision that you share, that can still include separate goals that you don't share. But the overarching picture that you are creating for your future can be one that you create together, it's not that difficult to help a couple, make that plan together, I think it's kind of small stuff like me, making transparency easier. For instance, like, I make sure that all of my communications go to both spouses. And that's just period. So if I have a phone call with one client, one spouse, when I go to type up those notes, a copy of the notes go to both spouses, always every time there's no secret conversation happening. And I think in most, for most couples, there's no secret conversation that someone's even desiring to have. It's just, you know, we're just trying to be efficient, we're all busy. Sometimes it's easier for one spouse to make the call or send the email. But that doesn't mean that someone needs to be out of the loop. So sometimes it's some of these little things that just help encourage transparency and just a little more ease in the process of having a joint plan.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 27:06

You know, I love this, right? Because the very, very beginning. And I keep going back to the beginning, because we have this negative connotation around Prenuptial agreements, I told you, we're going to break this apart. So we're halfway through now. But we're breaking this thing apart piece by piece by piece. And there was something a nuance that I want my listeners to hear. She said, General, financial planners tend to take your recommendation and make two separate plans. You have your stuff. She has her stuff. Or vice versa. She has her stuff, he has this stuff, right. But the thing is, when you come to her firm, she says, I want you all together. So she's the prenuptial agreement expert. And she's the one who's telling you that you need to combine your assets and communicate and to get stronger and your marriage and your ability to share information. Do you see that? So you may be fretful like why don't want to go to a prenuptial agreement expert, because she's gonna want us that be separate. She's gonna want us to, you know, separate our assets and try to you know, let's break down that misconception. Once again, she's actually doing the opposite of what the industry standard is. So I want you to listen to this here, because we're gonna go a couple more examples if you don't mind that. Okay. Sure. Perfect, perfect. So what about that blended family? Second marriage, they have separate assets, you know, this whole blended families is not the same thing that we see in movies and in cultures, right. But the thing is, a blended family is not necessarily unique. And when we talk about statistical now, can you speak a little bit about that, right.

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 28:43

Yeah, one of the top concerns that come up for blended families is how do we how do we divide our resources on an ongoing basis in a way that's fair to our children? Especially if the two spouses that have come together have different numbers of children? Say somebody has three, somebody has one? How do you treat them fairly, and that looks really different for every family. So this is another one of these things where you have not landed on a good plan until everybody feels good about it. And that's how I feel about Prenuptial agreements to a lot of times when couples are coming from different places, like I think this is how we should fund college for the kids. No, I and I think this is how we should fund college. I think they should have to stick take out student loans. I think we should try to find as much of it as possible. I think a lot of couples think when they if they bring that problem to someone else, a professional or financial planner, that they're going to tell them to compromise and meet in the middle Let's shoot to try to fund half of the college expense. That's not a reasonable solution if you don't feel good about it. And I can almost guarantee you, if those are your starting points, you're not going to feel good and neither party is going to feel good about funding 50%, they will both feel like they lost. So when it comes to Prenuptial agreements and blended families, figuring out how to divide up money, to be fair, things like that, really what the what most couples need to do is stop and take some steps back and figure out, you know, what's underneath those desires? What? Why, you know, what's your motivation with wanting to fund all as much of the college expenses as possible? What is your motivation for thinking they need to take out loans, if you the further down, you can dig and get at really what's underneath those desires, I promise you there are solutions that can feel good and and feel like you are addressing both of those desires alone that might not have anything to do with like exactly how much is in the college savings account. But right, there are solutions, because we're

Alajahwon Ridgeway 31:08

talking about self reflection, and you're asking people to identify their intentions and put their attentions on the table and not just your checkbook. I love that because it's that difference between equality and equity, you know, what is equal versus what is fair. And I don't want to make this point, I heard a saying a while ago, if somebody's heard it, or they can quote the author, please tag them or something like that. Let me know where I got it from. But the idea is that if you love your children equally, you will deal with him uniquely. So what that means is that each child has a special need that they need to be fulfilled. And they're not all the same. I have a daughter, she's she's 12 years old at the time, she has different needs than my son who's 11. And different than my, my son who's five, and my son who's four, they all have different needs, some need more hugs, some people need more tenants at volleyball games, but I deal with them uniquely. And I think the same thing, when we talk about money, maybe one of your children are self sufficient, maybe they don't need a lot of money, maybe they are getting a tons of scholarship, you don't have to worry about that. But maybe the other one, they may need a little bit of help. So having those conversations and that intent, and that self reflection is going to help you make a better decision. And like Kailyn said, When you come to a professional, we can ask those questions that the average investor doesn't know to ask not that you're not intelligent enough to ask those questions. But you just don't know what questions to ask yourself. And coming to Kailyn. She will address those for you. She'll say, Hey, these are the questions. This is what we're going to do. And we can move forward. So I love that love that love that. I can stay on this all day. But let's get to some solutions here. Right. So we've gone over the prototype of the person that you serve. We've talked about some case studies where you resolve some problems with Prenuptial agreements. We've identified what they are, what they're used for. We even talked about some of the challenges that you may see from some people who may be dealing with Prenuptial agreements or need Prenuptial agreements. But let's talk about solutions. Right. So what are some things that people can do to kind of resolve this perspective on Prenuptial agreements? Let's say they're in a situation. They know they need a prenuptial agreement. What would you say to those people to say, You know what, go ahead, go forward with it.

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 33:29

My first piece of advice for them is get on the same page as much as possible prior to actually starting the process. So have some really frank conversations about why do you think you need a prenuptial agreement? And especially if it's just one person really asking for one versus the other. But both people need an opportunity to share? You know, if we're going to make this agreement, what are the underlying fears that you have, that this agreement could address? And, you know, we've all got underlying fears about the future. Some of them cannot be addressed in a prenuptial agreement. But, you know, bring up the ones you think maybe can and, and kind of do that that walking back process that I was describing, because if the more you understand someone's underlying desires and fears, the more comfortably you are going to be able to navigate that process of actually figuring out what terms should go in the agreement. So just know each other, as well as possible going into it.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 34:40

Perfect. So let's say that somebody, they hear you right there listening to this episode, they get you, they're gonna get on their Google machine and they're gonna start looking up different things. Do you have a resource because people want to hear from you? Right, because Google, we don't know who's writing that stuff. But they know that you're here. Do you have any tips that they can have or they can take advantage of that's going to help prepare them for prenuptial agreement or give them in the right direction. So they know what questions to ask.

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 35:08

I have a guide on my website on my blog for couples to use. This is for like any kind of money conversation, but it's a guide for how to talk through a lot of these difficult conversations. So I recommend taking a look at that. For prenup specific resources. I don't I don't get any money for this. But there is a company called Hello prenup. And they're a really, really great resource just for educating yourself everything that they've researched to put together this online product and it's an online tool where you can make your own prenup, they have just put it on their website, they're not like holding it secret until you pay the fee. If you just want to go learn, you can just go to their website, they have a lot of states on there, they don't have every state. Even if your state's not on there, you can still learn a ton from them. And it's really digestible to and it's got a lot of suggestions for terms that you can include in a prenup, which is important because if you are if two people are coming from really different financial situations, in order to land on an agreement that you think is fair, you're going to need some creative clauses in there. Like, you know, if only one person has assets, and the other person only has debt prenuptial agreement that just protects that person's assets and makes that person's debt there's that's not going to feel very fair. No, in the end. There are a lot of suggestions out there for you know, other things you can include so that both parties really feel like this is an agreement that takes care of both of us.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 36:44

Awesome. That's great. So let's, let's talk about the cool stuff about Prenuptial agreements, right. So we we've actually broke down like said a lot of the stigmas, a lot of the things that we have preconceived in our mind. So at this point, all of our listeners should know that Prenuptial agreements should be very neutral when we are approaching them. I don't want you to be hot about them. I don't want you to be cold about them. I don't want you to think they're the greatest thing since sliced bread. And I don't want you to think that they're the most evil thing since you know, Satan, right. So I want you to have this neutral approach and says, Is this a tool that we can use to help facilitate our family forward and manage our finances? That's how I want you to look at it. Okay. So I don't want you to say, oh, oh, they have a prenuptial agreement, they must not be doing well in their marriage. I'm sorry to say this, but the majority people don't have Prenuptial agreements. And the statistics are still high. So let's stop associated. Is there a difference between correlation and causation? There's two difference. Okay. So let's talk about the cool thing. So give me your top three cool things about a prenuptial agreement that people like, wow, that is awesome. Okay, I do like that.

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 37:55

My favorite thing about prenups is that you can include terms that would compensate a spouse for leaving their job to take care of the family. And I just, I mean, in a world where it feels like, it's hard to feel valued when you are the spouse that stays home, I'm not in that position. But I know that's a struggle. This is something you could put an agreement in an agreement that literally says this work is monetarily valuable. And in some way, my second favorite thing you can do with a prenuptial agreement is include estate terms that say what would happen to your assets at death. And the reason I love that is because both spouses have to agree to make a change to it. Now, if you wait, and you just put those terms in a will instead, anyone can go change their will anytime. And only one person has to make those changes. But if it's in your prenuptial agreement, you both have to agree to make changes later. So if someone you know, wants to include some friend or distant relative and the other spouse is like, I'm not so sure I think they're playing you. Or you know, they're feeling suspicious, you know, like, you get to both be a part of that decision if those terms are in your prenuptial agreement.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 39:17

As long as I get one more, I get one more. I'm gonna squeeze squeeze you out

Kaylin Dillon, CFP®️ 39:21

one more favorite thing? Well, kind of a fun thing that I'm seeing is that people you can include terms around who would get a pet. So who would have rights to a pet if they got divorced. And like one of the couples that I talked to recently, they have three cats, and they decided two cats would go to one spouse as they got divorced and one cat would go to the other. And I asked how they made that decision because they got all their pets together when they were already in a relationship and they said it was purely based on just the cats like best. It's already clear to them With the cats like? And I did ask them has that affected their relationship with their cats? You know, knowing like, hey, that's your cat. Like they laughed. They said, Absolutely not. It's just I mean, it's just an agreement that of course, but you know, hopefully they never need just like insurance. And you know, I get insurance and it doesn't affect me. I don't, I don't think more about death after having life insurance.

Alajahwon Ridgeway 40:28